Sunday, May 21, 2006


Why is golf so important? I always get invites to business tournaments. Maybe I should learn how to play? But what’s wrong with a good old cocktail party? Do we really have to hit a ball in order to justify drinks with business associates when the sun shines? I’m not sure about this. I have been told that it’s a good ratio on the courses though: more men then women. Let’s say that I do learn how to play and say yes to the next invitation. Am I supposed to win or loose when I play with a customer, a supplier, boss, my contact at the bank etc? Being an extremely competitive person I don’t think it’s a good idea to just play as good as you can. That might turn out the same way as when I played softball. It was a co-ed C league. That means that it’s for players who are so bad (or not very serious about the game?) so that you pitch to your own team. I’ve already admitted to being lousy at sports, and softball is no different. I suck but I fight well. As a matter of fact I used to charge towards first base so hard I always tackled the poor baseman/woman off the base. Apparently there is no tackling in baseball… Who knew?! It would be an embarrassing moment if I start smacking the person next to me at the golf course at a business function. Embarrassing might not be the correct word here (depending on the outcome).

With the competitive side comes being goal oriented. I don’t think it’s very healthy to be goal oriented actually. Cause if you really think about it, the goal with life is to die. So why wait so long before you reach the goal? Being goal oriented doesn’t work well with relationships either. What is the goal with a relationship? I’m not sure there is a goal here. And if the relationship itself is the goal: what’s next? Perhaps it’s better to consider the road to the goal more important than the end result. Since we don’t know for sure what happens after we die: maybe we shouldn’t hurry to get there. Could be that the relationship itself is the important part. Sometimes I think that having safe s ex forever is the purpose of a relationship, but that’s not true either. And it’s not good to start wrestling in the sack too early, cause that takes focus off everything else (like finding out who the other person actually is, what he/she is all about). Once you go down that road: there is no turning back. No, it must be something less easy to obtain, like being able to be who you are, without the proper attires, and still being liked. How often do we meet that? I know this might sound too prosaic, but still though. There are too many “lets play house” kind of relationships out there. Where people couple-up just because they happen to be two single people not wanting to be single anymore. And it’s convenient to have one person take care of the car and the other decorates the house. You don’t have to do it all as you have to when you’re single. Some seam like they don’t have anything in common, more than that they live under the same roof. What happens when they get older? If one person gets permanently ill and needs the care of the other person forever after? When they retire and the kids have moved? If all they did was “play house”, what do they do now? How can you live with another person without “seeing” what that person is all about? How can you not be curious of how the man/woman you live with think, like and want? And I’m not talking about just enough not to interfere with your activities, but to actually WANT to know. The scary part is that many of these relationships probably started off with two people falling in love. I’m terrified of this. Terrified of waking up in a relationship one day, not knowing who this person next to me is. Also knowing that I have never been my true-self, so he has no clue who I am either. Next to being bored, that’s my biggest fear.

Well, I could just try to be a sound human being and apply the result driven personality where it does good: in some business situations, and work on the tranquillity side for the rest. I’m ready to take on a new approach here.

Saturday, May 13, 2006


Is there time to grieve? On the news on the Swedish equivalent of NPR, they are talking about miscarriages. One out of five pregnancies ends up in a miscarriage. Most of them so early on that the couple have not yet told family and friends about the pregnancy. What the program was talking about is how this made it harder for the couple to express their grief and get sympathy from people in their surroundings. That it made it even more painful not being able to talk about it in the same way “visible loss” is talked about.

But even if the couple have told every body that they where pregnant: it’s still hard to express how sad you are for them if they lose it. The Swedish language does not have a good expression for saying “I’m sorry for your loss”. I don’t think Swedes are supposed to talk that much about feelings when you look at the vocabulary we have to work with actually. How do I tell my friend who just lost her few week old fetus that I was so looking forward to meeting this new little person who where about to move in with them? How sorry I am that I never will have that opportunity. How do I tell my wonderful friend and her awesome boyfriend that I know they will be fantastic parents one day because this is just the beginning of their making of a family? That I am so sorry they had to go through these hardships and feel this loss. They are allowed to grieve for as long as they need.

But does the life we live today allow us to take the time to grieve? Don’t you always have something that has to be done at work (or the office will collapse…), or some social activity you just can’t ruin by moping around at? Why is that? Shouldn’t the healing of our soul be one of the most important things we do? And I’m not saying that we should do nothing BUT grieve. Our brains and our hearts are big enough to hold both the love for what we have and the mourning of what we lost. There is a point when the grieving becomes destructive I think.

My sister and a friend of mine are both very good-hearted and wise women. They have always allowed me to grieve for as long as I want. Even if it’s for things that other people don’t think are important at all. Some things we grieve are just the loss of a possible something. Not the loss of an actual someone. It used to be that when I was told about a break-up for instance, I would always start saying things like “good riddance”, “glad you god rid of that slacker”, “he was such a loser anyway” and things of that fashion. Now I don’t. Even if I still think that (all the men who don’t want my friends are losers of course!), I’ve learned that they are entitled to mourn (even the biggest deadbeat!) because that’s what’s going to make us whole again. Just to keep on walking and not grieving must be like fixing a hole in a dam with bandage. One day the bandage will be too wet and the glue will be all gone – and the dam breaks. Trying to dam ones grief.

I need to give myself some time to contemplate. You do too.

Monday, May 08, 2006


The Swedish pharmacy (yes: it’s a monopoly business in my country) had a campaign a few years ago about making-out. There where big posters with people well… making out. And it was saying things about how hugs and human touch makes the immune system better. More touching – less colds. They did mention that single people who did not have someone to snuggle with could go pay for a massage or have a heavy blanket when they sleep. It supposedly gave the same effect (yeah right!). I’ve also read some article about how people with low social activities take longer to recuperate from the flue. Well that’s a happy thought for you: you’re not just lonely with out friends, you are sicker as well. Maybe that’s nature’s way of weeding out the herd. Make sure those suckers with out friends or lovers get sick and die early so they don’t use too much of the Earth’s recourses! Scary!

I’ve been indulging myself with chick-lit lately. Swedish, British and American. They are all very much the same actually. Not the kind with Fabio half naked on the cover – but the more modern ones. I think that’s the kind of literature someone had a post card on PostSecret for: only reading when on vacation so no-one the person knew would find out. To some extent I understand why. None of the books have dazzled me with amazing sentences or new words, but they aren’t bad. I find them quite entertaining actually. And a lot of times they describe embarrassing things even I have done. Let’s hope not too many guys read these books and find out how some women are and think! I know I try to hide it ;-)

After OD’ing on all the above, I start to feel like that’s just a bunch of crap that marketing people and best selling authors come up with. You know: that love would be important. Cause it’s probably just a fiction of imagination. A way to keep flower-shops and jewellers in business. Until something happens.

One of my very dear friends – whom I refer to as “almost related” gave us a real scare this spring. To explain “almost related” I want to point out that at her wedding, my mom sat at the table with the bride and groom’s parents, and my sister and I sat right in front of the wedding couple at the same table as their coolest and nicest cousins! While at my “actually related” people: they don’t even bother to invite their aunt to their wedding. I shiver in disgust just thinking about it! Well, back to my friend:

To make a long and painful story very short: she was pregnant and then got the flue so bad it induced labor – right there at home with out any warning. The little premie and my friend were flown to the hospital in helicopter. She got blood poisoning and was put to sleep. Put to sleep for days that became weeks. Only five cases per year of this occur in Sweden. There is a high fatality risk, and what distinguish who will make it or not is the will to live. My sister and I visited her every week, afraid that it would be our goodbye to her. It really made all of us think about what we value in life and how short life can be. My friend made it and is home today. She will still be bedridden for a couple of months, but we are all so happy she is with us! And when my sister asked what made her survive this, she answered “my husband”. It was the love she and her husband have for each other that made her want to live.

I have nothing more to say.