Monday, February 05, 2007

will date for food

”As long as you’re not doing the nasty: you can date as many as you want”. That’s what the COO of “my” San Francisco company told me when I asked her what she thought about dating more than one. (I’m sure she meant doing the “lovely” of course) Her advice is ringing in my ears as I’m “netting” with a bunch of men all at once these days.

I noticed that internet dating is a great place to select on qualities you don’t find out at once. Or should I say: qualities you don’t see because you get blinded by something else. Some men I met before I reject them, some I only spoke to on the phone before I dissed them. In normal life I try to give everybody a second chance, but since there is so many to choose from in cyberspace, I can let my narrow-minded side take over and drop everybody with a dialect for instance. (did I just admit to that?!). And some just got the old fashion – ignore. They can do the same back to me. We are in each others The Batchelor and The Batchelorett show. Who will get the last rose?

What qualities are important in a partner? Certain things I fall for will be of no importance at all once you get to know the guy if he turns out to be rude or stupid in any other way. What I have learned about myself though is if the guy takes me to a nice restaurant or cook an incredible meal for me: I won’t notice anything else: I’ll just be in heaven. I’m a sucker for good food! Unless he fiddles too long with his wallet when the bill comes in. I’ll whip out my credit card and pay the whole thing. And that will be the first and last date with him. And this is true although I’m born and raised in a country which prides in having the most equality between men and women in the world.

To me it’s a gesture to pay at the first date. I am struggling with this. How can I both demand that the man have to show this gesture and still want to be equal? In Sweden’s largest (?) daily newspaper there was an article stating that the traditional marriage - where the man is older and the woman younger and probably does not make as much money – is the reason why we will never be equal. The “cure” is for women to marry younger men who have not reached as high in their career yet. They are more apt to stay at home with the children since it’s usually who makes the least that stays home with the children in Sweden (we do get paid 9 months but only up to a certain - quite low - level). I do have this in the back of my mind as I’m dating around.

I’m now down to a couple of finalists. One who I know will be happy to pick up the kids from school. Another one will assure I get to drink champagne in Rome and Paris on the weekends. A third will get me out on the slopes much more often than I’ve been going the past ten years. They all like exclusive foods, they exercise and play the guitar (and want children). That’s basically all the criteria’s I had as mandatory…

Or wait! Did I forget something? Am I supposed to feel giddy and happy when I’m with the man of choice as well?! One more week of dating and after that I’m “shutting down” for a month of studying for that final MBA exam! I might not be as ready for a relationship as I thought I was.