Monday, February 05, 2007

will date for food

”As long as you’re not doing the nasty: you can date as many as you want”. That’s what the COO of “my” San Francisco company told me when I asked her what she thought about dating more than one. (I’m sure she meant doing the “lovely” of course) Her advice is ringing in my ears as I’m “netting” with a bunch of men all at once these days.

I noticed that internet dating is a great place to select on qualities you don’t find out at once. Or should I say: qualities you don’t see because you get blinded by something else. Some men I met before I reject them, some I only spoke to on the phone before I dissed them. In normal life I try to give everybody a second chance, but since there is so many to choose from in cyberspace, I can let my narrow-minded side take over and drop everybody with a dialect for instance. (did I just admit to that?!). And some just got the old fashion – ignore. They can do the same back to me. We are in each others The Batchelor and The Batchelorett show. Who will get the last rose?

What qualities are important in a partner? Certain things I fall for will be of no importance at all once you get to know the guy if he turns out to be rude or stupid in any other way. What I have learned about myself though is if the guy takes me to a nice restaurant or cook an incredible meal for me: I won’t notice anything else: I’ll just be in heaven. I’m a sucker for good food! Unless he fiddles too long with his wallet when the bill comes in. I’ll whip out my credit card and pay the whole thing. And that will be the first and last date with him. And this is true although I’m born and raised in a country which prides in having the most equality between men and women in the world.

To me it’s a gesture to pay at the first date. I am struggling with this. How can I both demand that the man have to show this gesture and still want to be equal? In Sweden’s largest (?) daily newspaper there was an article stating that the traditional marriage - where the man is older and the woman younger and probably does not make as much money – is the reason why we will never be equal. The “cure” is for women to marry younger men who have not reached as high in their career yet. They are more apt to stay at home with the children since it’s usually who makes the least that stays home with the children in Sweden (we do get paid 9 months but only up to a certain - quite low - level). I do have this in the back of my mind as I’m dating around.

I’m now down to a couple of finalists. One who I know will be happy to pick up the kids from school. Another one will assure I get to drink champagne in Rome and Paris on the weekends. A third will get me out on the slopes much more often than I’ve been going the past ten years. They all like exclusive foods, they exercise and play the guitar (and want children). That’s basically all the criteria’s I had as mandatory…

Or wait! Did I forget something? Am I supposed to feel giddy and happy when I’m with the man of choice as well?! One more week of dating and after that I’m “shutting down” for a month of studying for that final MBA exam! I might not be as ready for a relationship as I thought I was.

10 Comments:

Blogger mal said...

good luck on the MBA exam! I expect you will hammer it!

Are you supposed to feel "giddy and happy"? Good question, I am sure I never did. I thought "comfortable" was good though. Just being able to make stupid jokes, slop around the house in sweats and scratch without worrying was great.

Marrying younger men? YEAH! Right ON!!!! Catch em young enough to train them!!! *L*

4:48 AM  
Blogger Åsa said...

Mal: Nice to se that you approve of the conclusion from the Swedish research about age differences in marriages!

I’m hoping to find giddy and comfortable with the same person :- ) I have friends in Sweden who also think it’s vital to be able to lounge around in sweats from day one if it’s right person. I want to reach to the point where I’m not thinking there is a better person out there for me. When the person I’m with is the final destination on the road to love, passion and family. (no wonder I’m single!)

Thanks for the exam wishes: I need all the support I can get.

12:11 AM  
Blogger Diane Mandy said...

I vote for the drink champaigne in Paris and Rome guy--but that's just me. Happy studying and good luck with the exam.

6:20 PM  
Blogger Balloon Pirate said...

Looks like blogger ate my post, so I'll try again...

The way you write about these guys is very cold and clinical; almost like you're comparing features on a new car.

Is this the best way to pick a partner?

yeharr

12:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Asa,

You can date those internet dudes all you want honey, (and maybe enjoy the drinks in rome and Paris)but I think you should give Chris a call... and yes, you should be "giddy and happy" at least at first!

Kristin

5:34 PM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

I think it's safe to say that whoever 'asks you' out to dinner should be the one to loosen up their wallets. I know that when I ask a girl out to dinner (which happens to be my girlfriend or ...well, we won't go there) I will pay. If she asks me, I would 'hope' that she pays.

I will say that I know this girl, her name is ~Deb, and well, she is an AMAZING cook and always picks up the tab!

Jis' sayin'! :)

Hope you're doing terrific Asa!

9:32 AM  
Blogger Diane Mandy said...

Missing you Asa!

7:28 PM  
Blogger matt said...

what happened to the old days of meeting rock stars at clubs, kissing in the loft and then moving you and Simon in for a deliciously good time,...... the world has gotten so complicated, love to everyone

10:15 AM  
Blogger Åsa said...

Diane: You know: I’m a big fan of the champagne in Rome and Paris thing as well. BUT I ended up picking the skier-guy since he also asked if I wanted to go to big cities for long weekends. That way I didn’t have to chose either or :- )

Thanks for your sweet note! Feels like you guys are my blog-family and I missed you too!



Balloon Pirate: Well I know it’s clinical. I am a cynic. And I do see it as a big investment: finding someone to spend a lot of time with. I have noticed however that going out getting shit-faced or working 24-7 has not really been a productive way to pick a partner either. If you don’t want the same outcome every time, you have to change the way you do things. And you BP live so far away…



Kristin: You beautiful woman you! Chris is a catch (sexy and caring) but at this point I think everybody living outside of the Stockholm city limits are too far away. CA is a dream, but I’m not sure if it will ever come true for me again.

And I want to be giddy and happy, but I don’t want to be hurt and I want to make sure the man likes me before I allow myself to feel that way. (jeeez! That sounds much more depressing than I feel!)



Deb: Yes you are right. That is probably the proper way to handle it: who ever does the asking should pull out the wallet!

(how will I explain to my new man that I have a crush on a NY-woman?!)



Matt: Oh you Rock Star you! Good times – good memories ;-) It all seamed so easy – didn’t it! you singing "I love music" always makes me warm... Heck! Anything you do makes me warm! Kisses to you!

10:20 AM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

I miss my Asa! Where's my girl! I miss the stories and her thought process.

COME BACK!!!

6:59 AM  

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