Sunday, May 21, 2006


Why is golf so important? I always get invites to business tournaments. Maybe I should learn how to play? But what’s wrong with a good old cocktail party? Do we really have to hit a ball in order to justify drinks with business associates when the sun shines? I’m not sure about this. I have been told that it’s a good ratio on the courses though: more men then women. Let’s say that I do learn how to play and say yes to the next invitation. Am I supposed to win or loose when I play with a customer, a supplier, boss, my contact at the bank etc? Being an extremely competitive person I don’t think it’s a good idea to just play as good as you can. That might turn out the same way as when I played softball. It was a co-ed C league. That means that it’s for players who are so bad (or not very serious about the game?) so that you pitch to your own team. I’ve already admitted to being lousy at sports, and softball is no different. I suck but I fight well. As a matter of fact I used to charge towards first base so hard I always tackled the poor baseman/woman off the base. Apparently there is no tackling in baseball… Who knew?! It would be an embarrassing moment if I start smacking the person next to me at the golf course at a business function. Embarrassing might not be the correct word here (depending on the outcome).

With the competitive side comes being goal oriented. I don’t think it’s very healthy to be goal oriented actually. Cause if you really think about it, the goal with life is to die. So why wait so long before you reach the goal? Being goal oriented doesn’t work well with relationships either. What is the goal with a relationship? I’m not sure there is a goal here. And if the relationship itself is the goal: what’s next? Perhaps it’s better to consider the road to the goal more important than the end result. Since we don’t know for sure what happens after we die: maybe we shouldn’t hurry to get there. Could be that the relationship itself is the important part. Sometimes I think that having safe s ex forever is the purpose of a relationship, but that’s not true either. And it’s not good to start wrestling in the sack too early, cause that takes focus off everything else (like finding out who the other person actually is, what he/she is all about). Once you go down that road: there is no turning back. No, it must be something less easy to obtain, like being able to be who you are, without the proper attires, and still being liked. How often do we meet that? I know this might sound too prosaic, but still though. There are too many “lets play house” kind of relationships out there. Where people couple-up just because they happen to be two single people not wanting to be single anymore. And it’s convenient to have one person take care of the car and the other decorates the house. You don’t have to do it all as you have to when you’re single. Some seam like they don’t have anything in common, more than that they live under the same roof. What happens when they get older? If one person gets permanently ill and needs the care of the other person forever after? When they retire and the kids have moved? If all they did was “play house”, what do they do now? How can you live with another person without “seeing” what that person is all about? How can you not be curious of how the man/woman you live with think, like and want? And I’m not talking about just enough not to interfere with your activities, but to actually WANT to know. The scary part is that many of these relationships probably started off with two people falling in love. I’m terrified of this. Terrified of waking up in a relationship one day, not knowing who this person next to me is. Also knowing that I have never been my true-self, so he has no clue who I am either. Next to being bored, that’s my biggest fear.

Well, I could just try to be a sound human being and apply the result driven personality where it does good: in some business situations, and work on the tranquillity side for the rest. I’m ready to take on a new approach here.


Blogger No_the_game said...

Hello Asa,

Thanks for coming by our world. You have intersting views about life. There is something I can not agree with. I do not think goal of life is to die. Nobody wants to die. Well there might be a few exceptions. Death is reality of life and it is a must.

So nobody wants to die :) including me, at least not yet!!!!!

Have a great week!!!

8:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"And it’s convenient to have one person take care of the car and the other decorates the house."

That´s funny.

And I think, why you get the feeling that people are together although they don´t know each other or care about the other person has it´s explanation in;

"You don´t know what you got til it´s gone"


"the green is greener on the other side of the fence"

That is if you break up with someone you might regret it for the rest of your life, but you can´t stop wondering how life would turn out with someone less annoying than your current girl/boyfriend.

And by the way, you never know what other people with a close relationship truely experience when you are not there!

7:08 AM  
Blogger Åsa said...

No the game:
so what IS the goal with life than? I of course hope there is more to it as well :-)

I do agree with you: I have no clue what goes on in a relationship when I’m not there. This is only based on what I see when I’m with the couples and what they tell me. And I’m very quick to judge (not a very attractive quality: I know).

And what a waste of time to wonder what could have been! Hmm… did I just write a post about that maybe… oh well: It doesn’t make anyone happy, that’s for sure. Better to indulge in the person you are currently with. Otherwise it’s like instead of eating the cake and having it too: you loose both your present boy/girlfriend and you sure don’t have your previous one. Don’t just settle for someone, but work on the someone you do have.

As far as the car and house decoration goes: it’s along the line with men getting a full set of dishes when they marry a woman, and women get electrical appliances when they marry a man. It works out well – but it’s not everything.

7:45 AM  
Blogger Diane Mandy said...

I have the same feao fo waking up next to someone and not knowing them any more because it actually happened to me. My ex-husband battled mental illness for many years. Everything about him changed--the way he laughed, the look in his eyes. Love and relationships are a gamble, to be sure. I just hope being in one is worth the risk.

6:15 AM  
Blogger mal said...

golf/business etiquette in the US is to play to the best of your ability. If you can outplay your customer you accrue some respect. I do not particularly care for golf but on occasion do play in the business environment. I am not a good golfer, but I never play from the Ladies tees. I least earn a little respect for that

I think you are right about the journey being more important than the end point. I do take exception with "the goal with life being to die". It is the inevitable end point, but the goal? I think not.

Hey! those baseman standing in your way are fair game *L*

4:51 AM  
Blogger Åsa said...

Diane: living with someone who actually has mental illness puts the question of “not knowing each other” at a whole new level! Did you know about it or did you not know why he changed? To me it’s scary enough just to come to the realization that you have not shared your own development with this person and he has not shared his with you. To quit listening to each other so to speak.

Mallory: well maybe I’ll try some golf than. It’s just that it takes so much TIME! I can sit and drink coffee and chit-chat with friends for hours and hours with out seeing that as a waste of time – but golf? I’ll have to think about it.

So what is the goal?

10:22 AM  
Blogger Balloon Pirate said...

Goals are different for everyone.

For me, the first part of achieving a goal is NOT setting the goal--it's figuring out what my core values are. Decide what is and is not important to you. Not just for right now, but for your life.

Be honest; if you go around telling everyone that you want to be a skydiver because it sounds cool and glamorous and dangerous and you want people to think you're cool and glamorous and dangerous but what you really want is a nice house with a kickass kitchen, then you're setting a false goal.

Here's what I'm doing: I wrote a list of the things I want--really want--in my life. I put down not just the things I want to have, but the things I want to do. I put it away, and then I try not to think about it too much. I won't look at it for a week. The next time I look at it, I'll cross off anything that I really don't want (NOT things that I want but can't afford, or things that seem out of my reach. Those stay in.). If I can think of something else, I'll add it.

In a month or two, I'll have an idea of what I truly want out of my life. It's already starting to take shape.

From this, I'll decide what my core values are.

My goal then becomes: how to live my life in the way that best suits my core values.

Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong.


12:36 PM  
Blogger Cheetarah1980 said...

One of my biggest relationship fears is waking up one day and not knowing the man I've been sleeping next to for the last 15 years. It happen all the time and I'm terrified it will happen to me. I don't have any answers. It was just nice to see that same anxiety spelled out.

8:07 AM  
Blogger Åsa said...

Balloon Pirate: I like your list writing suggestion there! Sounds a lot like some management literature I’ve read actually…

And honestly: it’s sexy with a man who wants a kickass kitchen! Sky-divers don’t last very long.

Thanks for visiting.

Cheetarah: I hear ya´! It would be nice to find the recipe for it not to happen you know.

8:42 AM  
Blogger Prata said...

Just curious, but are you sure that with competitive nature comes goal oriented nature? I would say that's not really true in all cases, because I am a highly competitive person; however, I'm not at all goal oriented. I'm a task oriented person I go from task to task regardless of goal. But it's also what makes me good at the things I do in order to win. Yes, everyone can have a goal. I want to win, but the way in which you go about it is what achieves the goal. Correct? So I don't worry about winning, I worry about each action I take at each given moment; the goal is never in my mind. Unless you break down each task into a goal within a goal...hrm!

10:44 AM  
Blogger mal said...

Asa, I think the goal is to leave the world better for our having been in it. Sounds corny and very simplified, but I do believe it.

12:00 PM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

In my opinion, I think it's all about 'the journey'---the 'getting there'---the goal is the bonus though.

As far as waking up to your partner of many years not knowing who he/she is, happens sometimes. People fall apart for many different reasons--but don't be afraid to love again because of that. Relationships 'are' work...and we have to make sure we keep 'dating' our mates until we're old and gray. If not, then we will discover that the person next to us is a complete stranger.

Great post!

10:31 AM  
Blogger Åsa said...

Prata: everything I write is what I have experienced, either myself or I’ve done “empiric research“ on a couple of friends. Unless I’ve read it or heard it on the radio ofcorse. I’m not sure of anything.

And I red you comment on your closed blog about the Tiananmen Square. I’m glad you are making a statement! I will never forget Tiananmen Square. I have friends who where still living in China at the time. Thanks for visiting my blog.

Mallory: I like that! And I guess that could be anything from keeping a garden to saving a country from war. I’ll do some thinking about that one.

Deb: I’m working on the journey. It’s not every day that I like it though. Sort of need a reason those days I guess. And I keep hearing about people waking up after decades of marriage, “not knowing” the person next to them. To keep “dating” who you live with and love sounds like a very good strategy.

1:04 PM  
Blogger Sam I Am said...

Hello Asa,
It's always AWESOME to stop by to see what you and Simon are up to,thank you for sharing ...Woof

12:54 PM  

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