Thursday, July 31, 2008


Patience is a virtue. Power of action is as well. You just have to know when to use one or the other. I consider myself a very patient person in many ways. There are some occasions when I’m not patient though; instead I make sure the change take place at once. Or at least as fast as it can be done. I’m talking about changing jobs, changing continents, changing hair color and changing men. Other than that I do believe I’m considered to be a very levelheaded and calm person.

Disclaimer: if you do not like to read about “female stuff”, quit reading now.

Some things you can’t rush though. There is nothing you can do to speed up the process. I’m talking about children. When Iceman and I decided that we are open to have kids, I had in my mind that this would take place at once. So the morning after, I ran off to the pharmacy to buy a pregnancy test. I was devastated when I read that you can take the test no sooner than after the first day of your expected period – maybe up to three days before, but that too was very uncertain. Well if you don’t get your period, you probably don’t need an expensive test to tell you – huh! Jeeeze what a stupid thing! And it turns out, the day you at the earliest can find out that you are indeed pregnant: you are considered to be four weeks into your pregnancy. Insane!

This bummed me out. I wanted to know at once. It didn’t make things easier that you can’t get pregnant every day of the month either. How people get pregnant by mistake when it’s so complicated is a mystery to me. Most of us do know how babies are made.

As with most female-only complaints/diseases, there hasn’t been an abundant of money spent on research on PMS and menstrual cramps. Since my cramps make me spend half a day trembling in cold sweat and pain on the bathroom floor, I have eaten birth control pills for years. I was told that that is the only thing that truly helps. And it does! However, the amount of estrogen in those is at much higher doses than that given to women at menopause, which are now being debated if it’s healthy or not. So for years I have been given myself unhealthy amount of estrogen?!

I decided to have a checkup to make sure I could indeed have children. The OBYGYN told me that she can’t see if I can have children or not, she can only tell me that everything looks normal. The full fertility investigation can be done at a private clinic until you are 41-42 years old. The Swedish free healthcare system doesn’t do the fertility investigations after the age of 37 and you have had to try actively for two years prior to that. Tried to get pregnant that is. The things they don’t tell you in school! Usually I’m upset that when you take accounting as your major, no one tells you that if you work with accounting, you will never be able to take a long Christmas/New Years vacation since that’s a normal year-end closing or at least a month-end closing time. And for some reason most national holidays are also so that you can’t enjoy the extra day off, due to month-end closing. But what I found out now was worse: you better fall in love with a suitable man looong before you turn 35 if you want children. Or you have to chance it big time! So many of my friends have not found a man they love and they are also over 35. Why didn’t anyone tell us?!

So here I was. 40+ and feeling very nervous knowing that there was nothing I could do to speed up the process, there was no place I could turn to help me clinically right this minute (even the private clinics require a long time of trying before getting their help). All I could do was to take care of myself, stay calm and wait. Patience is a virtue.

It turned out well.
(the kids in the pic are my sister's)


Blogger ~Deb said...

It definitely requires patience. Although, I do believe that technically you don't have to "fall in love" or "have a mate" before pregnancy if you do want children. I think you'd be a great mother and apparently, you seem to be a wonderful aunt. :)

I suffer from severe menstrual cramps that leave me hunched over in the corner in pain, trembling, like yourself---sometimes to the point of passing out from the threshold of pain or vomiting. I've tried birth control but that required immediate psychiatric care due to the side effects,LOL---and I have also been on so many ibuprofens that it left my stomach with a huge ulcer.

Now? I have to go naturally because of the stomach problems the nsaids left me with and rely on pain management techniques which actually do help some, but I can't even work a normal 9-5 job because they look down upon taking off 1 or 2 days out of the month. It has affected my life so much that I'm even considering removing my uterus as an option. They said that there was nothing wrong other than an "overactive uterus".

Adoption is my only choice at this point.

I hope you're doing well and I'm so glad to see you back writing.

Missed you!!!

7:20 AM  
Blogger Åsa said...

Darling Deb! I missed you too :-)

When will more reasearch be done on female issues like ours?! I'm so sorry to hear about your work problems. I do know your cramps are bad - but I didn't know you hadn't found a solution for it of some sort. Wish you could live off your writing instead!

7:32 AM  
Blogger Diane Mandy said...

ASA!!!! So good to see you writing. Am I reading this incorrectly or are you say you've gotten pregnant?

I am in a similar boat, now almost 41, and Max and I suffered our first miscarriage only 3 months ago. We are trying again, but I have swirling doubts in my head. Trying to be patient.

10:04 AM  
Blogger Åsa said...

Diane!!! Nice to hear from you!

Yes you are reading correctly: I am pregnant. It took a long time before I dared to believe that it was “there to stay” so to speak. Especially since one out of four pregnancies end in miscarriage and I think almost ALL my friends have miscarriage before they had their first child.

So you are right: be patient. Take care of yourself. Make sure you do things for YOU, like take a class you are interested in, get a PT at the gym, eat healthy. It’s easier said than done to stop wishing and thinking about pregnancy, but good if you can do it. For your own sake as well. . Oh. And try hot-stone massage. It seems to relax your insides.

I hope you soon get what you want. My thoughts are with you!!!

1:07 AM  
Blogger DESPERADO said...

I had a phase in my life in early 20's (i'm still in early 25's FYI wink wink!!) where I was desperate to get married, not for love or companionship but in order to have children.I was crazy about them.
The desire was so powerful that it felt like it was something which I preferred consciously.It was more like hormonal,instinctive or biological desire and I'm not even a woman!!
(I've heard that it's women who often have such urge.)

Now I don't feel like that any more.Retrospectively, I don't even understand why I felt like this.
Guess I was having an adropause!!

12:03 PM  
Blogger Åsa said...

Desperado: It’s liberating to hear that men too have irrational desires/wants! Or maybe the desire is nature’s way of making sure we will sustain. What do I know?! I never had a desire for children per se. Only for a family, and that included (in my personal case) a man as well.

And if you want my two cents: 25 is at tad bit early to become a parent. That’s what my parents where and I think it was way too early in their lives. You are not “all that you can be” yet. So much more of realization, personal development etc to go through. Or you can have kids now and wait 18 years to figure out who you are. It all evens out in the end I guess.

12:59 AM  
Blogger mal said...

It is so good to see you back!!

With all that was implied about your last year, I think I can understand your absence.

It seems we just turn around suddenly we realize the years are flying past. I remember listening to Joni Mitchell's "Circle Game" as a teen. I had to wait another 30
years to REALLY understand it.


8:09 PM  
Blogger DESPERADO said...

happy new year!!

7:55 PM  

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