advice

The people in this picture may or may not have anything to do with the context of the story.

How good are the advices we give? Since our knowledge and opinions are depending on our frames of reference, our advices must depend on the same thing. How often are we egoistic and when do we try to see the bigger picture? I know that power of friends is a strong force. At least for women. Not sure how it is with men. The song “when a man loves a woman” points in the other direction: that what the friends say doesn’t matter at all. Is that true? Well it doesn’t matter. I’ll just ramble on regarding things within my frames of reference anyway.

I do my darndest to give advice that I think will be the best for my friend – even if it means not being to my advantage. The thing is though, just because I think it’s the best for her/him, it might not be. But asking for advice is asking to get someone else’s morals and believes imputed upon you. It’s a dangerous thing! To “advertise” this – that the advices are on basis of my experience – I try to find actual examples from my life, or the lives of people I know. Come to think of it, that’s also how you are supposed to do if you are a supervisor and want to rag on an employee: use actual examples, don’t just ramble on about how you “feel”. Not a very charming parallel hu!

The power of friends should not be taken lightly. When one of my friends went back to Sweden after living next to me in Tahoe for a year, I called her everyday and told her how much fun we where having, how nice the weather was, how good looking the guys where etc. Until she decided to come back. She did the same thing to me when I moved back to Sweden. After three months I moved back to Tahoe again. Sound silly? Maybe. But it might not have been only the phone calls determining the decision. And I have more examples of this phenomenon which I might share at another time. Or it’s just a proof of how easily influenced me and my friends are? Don’t know.

So if I aim for giving unbiased advice, I have managed to do the exact opposite when I just make casual comments. Since apparently I am born with a foot in my mouth I can say things that are so hurtful to the other person that one might think I have a total lack of compassion! And this without thinking or meaning anything by it. Like this one guy I said something to in sixth grade, about him probably not needing another piece of candy. Why you say something like that to anyone I don’t know. But how you can say it to a chubby person like my classmate is unbelievable! And it was just because I didn’t want to give any of my candy away. He confronted me like five years later and I hadn’t even thought about it as an incident. I’m a bad bad person. I could tell so many more examples of this, but I’m too ashamed and I bow to repent my evil words every day. For being a heathen I really do believe in doing upon others like you wish they would do upon you. That all the bad stuff I have done is being punished and each day I live: I pay. What comes around goes around.

Well some bad stuff I do is like in Faulty Towers (John Cleese) when the Germans are there. The staff is told: “Don’t mention the war!”. They keep repeating this so much that the only thing John Cleese’s character is doing is making references to Hitler and World War II. It’s hilarious! And sometimes that’s how I am as well. Not with Germans per say, but like when my sweet, dear, strong and pregnant friend is having coffee (decaf of course) with me I tell her how tired I am of my new co-workers talking about nothing but their children. That I feel like I work in a seed-factory considering the pregnancy rate at that office. And this knowing that I will probably want to talk more about her baby than she will! I’m a bad bad person.

So now it’s time for me to go out and do some good deeds to compensate!

4-20

So it’s my birthday. Well not yet. Not until my mom has called and told me about the day I was born. Not that the story itself is so enticing, but her being so moved still every time she tells it is so sweet and makes my day.

But birthdays are not the same anymore. My years in the US, the tradition was that the birthday-person got to choose the dinner that day. Oh so I can still choose my birthday dinner – actually, if I don’t: I don’t get anything since no one else is responsible for my eating. That’s not all bad though. I’m getting used to my own cooking. Preferring it actually. Oh shit! It has come to that!

Being born on this day is associated with Adolf Hitler and Napoleon of France. But not in the California/Washington area. 4-20 is some petition or something to get marijuana legalised. When ever I have to show my ID in like a Trader Joe’s or something, the clerk always looks at me in awe and say something that makes me understand that it’s this legalising thing they worship. I don’t have anything against Trader Joe’s, but it always happens at that store. It’s kind of cute actually, that such a thing can be so important to them, that they even see it when they read my license. Maybe cute was a bad choice of word here – but you know what I’m saying though.

I read in “The ultimate birthday book” about people born on April 20th: “Not only does their strong self-belief lead them to dominate other people (oh I think it’s the fact that I’m the oldest sister that makes me bossy), but their aversion to criticism (I rather have you leave me than criticise me!) furthermore instills in them an intolerance of alternative viewpoints (my way or the highway – simple as that). Both propensities are potentially destructive and may cause them to live in a fantasy world (hmm… I have been reading a lot of blogs lately), isolated from both reality and the affection that they desire (“desire affection” is that what they call it nowadays…). It is vital for their emotional well-being that they do not take constructive criticism as a personal affront (what else could you take it as?!), but instead recognize the importance maintaining an objective and open mind (I’m pretty open minded I think), accepting that they are not always right (ok, so I’m not always right – I’m just never wrong). Learning to relax their drive for perfection and high expectations (don’t think so – that is what has gotten me to the place where I am), and becoming more tolerant in all things (well, I’ve always been told I need to up my tolerance level), will ultimately bring those born on April 20 great fulfillment”.

Is that good or bad?!

No more moping around! Time for champagne (spiked with vodka, and a strawberry in each glass) and party! Crank up the music and start filling the balloons!

do be do be do

Are we what we do? Or do we become our occupation? That would be pretty sad though, since most of us probably dreamt of being something we didn’t end up doing eight hours a day. And what about people who haven’t started work yet – or people who are unemployed? Maybe it’s like with sculptures: depending on the base material, there is only a limited amount of tools that will decide the final sculpture. Take clay for example. You couldn’t use some huge hammer as you would if it was marble. The finished sculpture could look the same but you can’t use the same tools to get there. I don’t apply a different value to the clay contra the marble (I prefer to make clay sculptures myself though), but like with occupations: different materials are good/useful in different ways. Clay is not the material to choose if you want to make a statue, and marble is not the easiest material to make fine details in. I wanted to be a tight-rope dancer or a gardener when I was younger. Considering that I am scared of heights and am allergic to freshly cut grass: it must be like a piece of clay wishing to become an image of some dead king on a city square somewhere.

At the improv-group, we where not allowed to talk anything about our occupation. A very smart move actually because that way we only imagined people for who/what they where portraying that moment, not what they where outside of the stage. On our last night we went out for beers to celebrate. Someone started guessing what every body worked with. It was fun! We had been doing silly things and pushed our limits together and alone for the last few weeks without knowing anything personal about each other. Half of the people I managed to pin-point at my first guess. Like the woman who was in upper management and the journalist. The guy who was a script writer was almost disappointed that I guessed his occupation right away. Maybe he thought it was too out there for us to come up with. But he has the same cool calm that my friend who is a script writer (and drama teacher) has. It’s not the kind of cool I have in business context, which is more a controlled cool to make sure I stay on top of the situation. No, this seam to come from within. My theory is that they are secure in themselves and who they are, and the writing probably becomes an outlet for frustrations, fears and hopes in such a way that it doesn’t have to disturb who they are outside of the writing. This made me think that maybe there are only a few occupations that are suitable for each person. Or do we become that person after we choose a certain job? Do some people start out as clay and some as marble? Would I have been a different person if I had become a gardener?

I don’t think it’s just what we do that shapes us, it’s also where we do it and who we have around us that mold who we are. Take me for example. Now when I’m in an environment where I’m only expected to work eight hour days, I have so much extra energy that I have a hard time using it in a sensible way. Had I been in a relationship now I would have handcuffed that guy to my bed-post and worn him out. Instead I have been shopping. Hopefully Amex doesn’t have hit-men on their payroll because I would probably end up on their list! Don’t think I will be able to pay my next bill actually. Darn this energy ;-) Well some of it is spent on rational activities. I have been preparing lunch boxes for each day. That might be pure survival instinct though since the canteen at my new job is awful. Before I start moving walls in my apartment or something, I think I’ll start going to the gym. Where else would my energy be of best use?!

There is a thing with the gym though: none of the other people in the weight room get red-faced or sweaty. I don’t know how they do it or why they do it. Girls do get sweaty at the gym, but only when taking classes. Some guys have no problem sweating on the treadmill, and apparently preferably next to me. At least the ones who decided not to wash their clothes from last time they went to the gym… But I don’t think it’s only because I work out hard that the guys in the weight-room doesn’t check me out. There is a much bigger competition: themselves! Most of the guys seam to do lifting in a non-ergonomic move, constantly checking themselves in the mirror. Oh I know that you should look in the mirror to make sure you do the movements correctly, but when you are done: it looks kinda silly to prance around and flex in front of the mirror. Or is that just me? And you KNOW that a guy like that is more interested in having a member of his fan club doting on him than him aiming to please his partner. Some guys are just meant to look at, some are meant to date. I was a sucker for pec’s and bic’s (chest and arms) when I was younger. It was almost like a joke amongst my friends, because you could tell as soon as you walked in to a place which of the guys I would walk up to. But that got old. I am so not fan club material.

On one of my shopping sprees I went though my entire wallet in search of something I can’t remember now. It turns out I have been saving some fortunes that you get at Chinese restaurants in the US when you pay the bill. I’ve been told that you have to take a bite of the cookie before you read the fortune. And you should add “in bed” after the fortune. Adding or not, the fortunes that I have saved are pretty cool. Funny I would have found them now, at the start of my new life with a new job and all:

• The tide of change approaches.
• You have given some thought to a different life style.
• A welcome change is about to happen.
• When time permits, your personal life will be exciting.

It must be a sign! The fortune-cookie-Gods are talking to me! Right on! Bring on the change ;-)