Friday, April 28, 2006


The people in this picture may or may not have anything to do with the context of the story.

How good are the advices we give? Since our knowledge and opinions are depending on our frames of reference, our advices must depend on the same thing. How often are we egoistic and when do we try to see the bigger picture? I know that power of friends is a strong force. At least for women. Not sure how it is with men. The song “when a man loves a woman” points in the other direction: that what the friends say doesn’t matter at all. Is that true? Well it doesn’t matter. I’ll just ramble on regarding things within my frames of reference anyway.

I do my darndest to give advice that I think will be the best for my friend – even if it means not being to my advantage. The thing is though, just because I think it’s the best for her/him, it might not be. But asking for advice is asking to get someone else’s morals and believes imputed upon you. It’s a dangerous thing! To “advertise” this – that the advices are on basis of my experience – I try to find actual examples from my life, or the lives of people I know. Come to think of it, that’s also how you are supposed to do if you are a supervisor and want to rag on an employee: use actual examples, don’t just ramble on about how you “feel”. Not a very charming parallel hu!

The power of friends should not be taken lightly. When one of my friends went back to Sweden after living next to me in Tahoe for a year, I called her everyday and told her how much fun we where having, how nice the weather was, how good looking the guys where etc. Until she decided to come back. She did the same thing to me when I moved back to Sweden. After three months I moved back to Tahoe again. Sound silly? Maybe. But it might not have been only the phone calls determining the decision. And I have more examples of this phenomenon which I might share at another time. Or it’s just a proof of how easily influenced me and my friends are? Don’t know.

So if I aim for giving unbiased advice, I have managed to do the exact opposite when I just make casual comments. Since apparently I am born with a foot in my mouth I can say things that are so hurtful to the other person that one might think I have a total lack of compassion! And this without thinking or meaning anything by it. Like this one guy I said something to in sixth grade, about him probably not needing another piece of candy. Why you say something like that to anyone I don’t know. But how you can say it to a chubby person like my classmate is unbelievable! And it was just because I didn’t want to give any of my candy away. He confronted me like five years later and I hadn’t even thought about it as an incident. I’m a bad bad person. I could tell so many more examples of this, but I’m too ashamed and I bow to repent my evil words every day. For being a heathen I really do believe in doing upon others like you wish they would do upon you. That all the bad stuff I have done is being punished and each day I live: I pay. What comes around goes around.

Well some bad stuff I do is like in Faulty Towers (John Cleese) when the Germans are there. The staff is told: “Don’t mention the war!”. They keep repeating this so much that the only thing John Cleese’s character is doing is making references to Hitler and World War II. It’s hilarious! And sometimes that’s how I am as well. Not with Germans per say, but like when my sweet, dear, strong and pregnant friend is having coffee (decaf of course) with me I tell her how tired I am of my new co-workers talking about nothing but their children. That I feel like I work in a seed-factory considering the pregnancy rate at that office. And this knowing that I will probably want to talk more about her baby than she will! I’m a bad bad person.

So now it’s time for me to go out and do some good deeds to compensate!


Blogger Sam I Am said...

Listeners have one chance to hear your talk and can't "re-read" when they get confused. In many situations, they have or will hear several talks on the same day. Being clear is particularly important if the audience can't ask questions during the talk. There are two well-know ways to communicate your points effectively.What an AWESOME blog thank you for sshaeing!!!

7:58 PM  
Blogger Åsa said...

Sam! Thanks for reading my blog!

As for being clear: I tend to repeat my point and try to find different examples that will support the same. Come to think about it, it's actualy like what I learned in rhetoric: to use three examples to "prove" your viewpoint. Start with the medium strong, next the weakest and end with your strongest example. Ofcourse talking to a friend is always improvised :-)

11:58 PM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

I think it’s safe to say that we’ve all had those ‘insert foot in mouth now’ periods. Believe me, sometimes I don’t even know what the heck I’m spewing out until the other person gets offended. I sometimes don’t think before I speak…(Usually involves a few cocktails…) Ah hell, who am I kidding? I can do this just as good sober too!

Anyway, I think when people don’t forget the past and the hurtful words they encountered---it’s their problem. They need to let go and just move on with their life.

You don’t need to do good deeds to compensate for whatever it was you said that you regretted---I can tell you’re a great person with a huge heart. Stop being so hard on yourself girl!

Did I tell you about New York? There’s a hot girl that lives there waiting to meet you.

(Hoping this persuades you to move out here!...Okay, so she’s not THAT hot….)

2:50 PM  
Blogger HanktheDog said...

I think this kind of thing happens to everyone, to one degree or another. My advice is...well, I'll guess I'll just be quiet and listen.

8:35 AM  
Blogger Åsa said...

I’m glad you are giving me your "blessing" not to have to pay for all my mistakes! But I must say though that the Native Americans as well as other religions do insist that what you do will affect the next eight generations. Might as well do some good things just in case I thought! And thanks: I have a kind heart I think. When I think that is...

You have a clear view on things Deb – I appreciate you taking the time to share!

And as for the persuasion attempt: me moving to NYC does not need an awful lot of persuasion actually. My very first blog post was about moving to NYC! ;-)

12:03 PM  
Blogger Åsa said...

Hank the dog! Thanks for reading my blog and thanks for listening. My Simon is only a selective listener. I have started to blame his old age, but in reality: he has always been this way!

12:05 PM  

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