addiction

Will I need a twelve step program? I am a workaholic; a true job-junkie. How do I know this? Ever since my Silicon Valley period I’ve been working 24-7. My job has been my number one priority. In Sweden we have 5-6 weeks of paid vacation per year and the Department of Health as well as labor organizations are recommending that you take at least four consecutive weeks, and I never have. Even though I know the way I work has affected my health, I’m still doing it. Isn’t that just what addicts do? Keep going even though they know it’s damaging and they put the substance before everything else in this life. Well that’s me. Or was until today…

Today is my first day between jobs! People around me have been asking how it feels to leave my job and almost seamed worried that I will have withdrawal symptoms or something. And surprisingly enough, after just one last fix, I managed to quit cold turkey. Besides being exhausted from my ear-inflammation and working 24-7 for my last week at the office – I feel nothing. A bit euphoric maybe. Quite a lot actually! And here I thought I had an addictive personality (not in the sense of people being addictive to me that is…), and it turns out that I can quit my biggest addiction just like that! What a relieve! And here I’ve been refusing to try anything stronger than Marlboro lights in fear of never being able to quit. Besides alcohol ofcorse. I manage that by sticking to the rule “never drink alone” as well as forcing myself to leave a glass even if it’s not empty. That way I can justify getting shit-faced with my friends every weekend! Could be time to get that life insurance at a good rate and then start doing some new stuff! Or maybe not ;-)

One of the exercises we did today at the Improvisation Theater class was that three people where sitting in a row. The middle person was the boss and the people beside her/him where employees. The boss was mad because of something the employees had done. As soon as the boss looked at one employee, the other one was supposed to make faces behind the bosses back. The exercise is called two-faced (I think that’s the right translation for “ögontjänare”), and the group was very impressed with how many faces I could make. I didn’t know I had it in me! Maybe that was just what I needed to get rid of my addiction; an outlet?

It’s so exiting to have time off! After tomorrow I won’t even have a computer. I’ll be homeless in cyber-space. That might cause some major withdrawals though. Not being able to check my bank account, not reading e-mails or looking what’s new on blogs around the world. Time to just experiencing here and now. Every person I meet is real and has a story to tell. Feel pain and pleasure in every day life. Being average is so underrated. I’m going to strive towards “normal” (what ever that is…). That’s what I’m going to do these two weeks. It’s like meditation where you are sensing each feeling as it comes to you. I think I might get addicted to vacation!