Sunday, October 30, 2005


It’s like living in a vacuum. For a million of reasons. One is because in my mind, I have already left my job. Only: I don’t have a new one. In-between does not feel like a creative state. It’s the not knowing that makes it a vacuum. Not knowing when I will find a new job. Not knowing if my new boss will help me find one within the organization or if the new job will also mean an entirely new company. I always have a target which I strive towards. Now the goal is unclear and floating. One advice would be to go with the flow and take the opportunity to do nothing. But what a waste of life and time! Find me a goal to reach – someone!

To help me forget my vacuum, people around me are in need of help. Or at least that’s how I interpret it. A good way to ignore my dilemmas is to try to sort out other people’s problems. I’m sure there is a term for this in the psychology world. It saddens me so when the people I love and respect are unhappy.

I have wanted to go color with finger-paint for so long now! Even thought of crashing a kiddie session at the Stockholm Culture House or the Stockholm Museum of Art – I think these places have workshops for kids. That and other harmless, mischievous adventures have been on my mind for ever. But I live in a vacuum and don’t even do that. It seams like if I can’t fly: I don’t even bother to walk. But my vacuum will pass. I will start walking again. Walking and then running. Happily trying to reach the sky once more. But right now, it feels like it’s an eternity until then.


Blogger Philip Asp said...

Det man förlorar på längden tar man igen på höjden! Du skriver fantastiskt bra och insiktsfullt. Fortsätt gärna med det.

12:34 PM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

Yeh—what he said.

Umm…am I in the right room here? Okay—well I guess you figured out your new job…I’m late with this post.

That damn vacuum gets me every time. Sometimes (in my beliefs as a Christian here) God wants us to ‘be still’. He’ll even do that in the terms of being unemployed for some time- just to figure things out- and to hear His voice. This is my ‘belief’----so I apologize if I am imposing this on you. I just think that we all need some time away from the daily routines of life, to just stop…and be still for a while. Enjoy that moment, and try not to think of it as a ‘lull’.

Isn’t it so true when we’re at work, we think, “Oh I wish I was home doing this, or home doing that…” And then when we’re home not at work, we say, “I wish I was working.”

We’re strange creatures sometimes.

6:57 AM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

I don't know what Phillip said, but I think he said something about your bra. Not sure.


6:57 AM  
Blogger Åsa said...

That is my problem: I get so stressed out by tranquility. I'm working on it though.

Oh and by the way: "bra" is "good" in Swedish - in many ways ;-)

11:53 AM  

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