Sunday, October 30, 2005

vacuum




It’s like living in a vacuum. For a million of reasons. One is because in my mind, I have already left my job. Only: I don’t have a new one. In-between does not feel like a creative state. It’s the not knowing that makes it a vacuum. Not knowing when I will find a new job. Not knowing if my new boss will help me find one within the organization or if the new job will also mean an entirely new company. I always have a target which I strive towards. Now the goal is unclear and floating. One advice would be to go with the flow and take the opportunity to do nothing. But what a waste of life and time! Find me a goal to reach – someone!

To help me forget my vacuum, people around me are in need of help. Or at least that’s how I interpret it. A good way to ignore my dilemmas is to try to sort out other people’s problems. I’m sure there is a term for this in the psychology world. It saddens me so when the people I love and respect are unhappy.

I have wanted to go color with finger-paint for so long now! Even thought of crashing a kiddie session at the Stockholm Culture House or the Stockholm Museum of Art – I think these places have workshops for kids. That and other harmless, mischievous adventures have been on my mind for ever. But I live in a vacuum and don’t even do that. It seams like if I can’t fly: I don’t even bother to walk. But my vacuum will pass. I will start walking again. Walking and then running. Happily trying to reach the sky once more. But right now, it feels like it’s an eternity until then.

4 Comments:

Blogger Philip Asp said...

Det man förlorar på längden tar man igen på höjden! Du skriver fantastiskt bra och insiktsfullt. Fortsätt gärna med det.

12:34 PM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

Yeh—what he said.

Umm…am I in the right room here? Okay—well I guess you figured out your new job…I’m late with this post.

That damn vacuum gets me every time. Sometimes (in my beliefs as a Christian here) God wants us to ‘be still’. He’ll even do that in the terms of being unemployed for some time- just to figure things out- and to hear His voice. This is my ‘belief’----so I apologize if I am imposing this on you. I just think that we all need some time away from the daily routines of life, to just stop…and be still for a while. Enjoy that moment, and try not to think of it as a ‘lull’.

Isn’t it so true when we’re at work, we think, “Oh I wish I was home doing this, or home doing that…” And then when we’re home not at work, we say, “I wish I was working.”

We’re strange creatures sometimes.

6:57 AM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

I don't know what Phillip said, but I think he said something about your bra. Not sure.

MEN!

6:57 AM  
Blogger Åsa said...

That is my problem: I get so stressed out by tranquility. I'm working on it though.

Oh and by the way: "bra" is "good" in Swedish - in many ways ;-)

11:53 AM  

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