Friday, September 29, 2006


Big headlines the other day on the Swedish evening paper: “Half or the Swedish women have se x on the first night” It doesn’t say on the first date since it’s not necessarily a date these women have been on. It’s more likely after a night at the local bar or on the dance floor. Who can blame these women?! Most cities have more women than men habitats for one. The chance of ever hearing from a guy you actually think is nice is extremely slim. Most of my friends would say next to none. (and these are all cool, friendly, nice looking and adventurous women who makes money). Even if it’s actually spending the whole weekend in bed with the person you like, having dinners together, experiencing moments with someone special, just hang with, discuss important matters over the morning paper etc – even if that’s what you really want: wrinkle the sheets with the man at hand is all that is offered. Better than nothing? Is it even a substitute? Most of us know that se x the first night will not lead to a relationship. And still I think a lot of these one-nighters happen due to yearning for true love. Hope’s the last thing we give up – isn’t it.

It’s so nice to see that 20 people at this point believe in love according to my mini-poll! That brings hope to me. I on the other hand am the only one who has voted “what’s the point”. And I’m asking that again: what’s the point? People who are in relationships seam to be complaining about it, misunderstanding each other etc. It’s beyond me. Yes it’s nice that I may do what ever I want, when ever I want. I can crank-up the music and dance in silly ways, eat my favourite dish for a month in a row, watch all the CSI episodes ever made, book different activities every night of the week, spend an entire Sunday with my girlfriends at a coffee shop, buy way too expensive lotions and what ever I feel like doing. But still – I want more.

During the same time as the headlines above in the Swedish paper, there had been a poll in Great Brittan: who would give up se x to live a 100 years? 60% (or was it 40%? – still way high) had answered YES! Can you believe it?! How would you spend your time those 100 years?!


Blogger Balloon Pirate said...

Maybe you read that wrong. Maybe it said that if you give up sex it'll FEEL like 100 years.

What's the point of love? I don't know. Does there have to be a point?

What's your definition of love, anyway?


7:33 PM  
Blogger No_the_game said...

Asa, there is nothing wrong enjoying things in life. But not knowing what you want out off it is a problem. One should not expect to have lots of one night stands and at the say time a good relationship. I agree with this statment: "Most of us know that se x the first night will not lead to a relationship"

But most of us have one night stand then want more out of it. Duhhh !!!!

It was an intertesting read :)) VIVA Swedish chicks !!!!!!!!!

5:33 PM  
Blogger mal said...

Could it be a matter of perspective?

We are approaching our 25th anniversary soon. We both have had cause to reflect on our marriage. Some conclusions on my part,

1. What is Love? I am not sure. I am fairly sure we often confuse it for lust though.

2. There is nothing as good as waking snuggled up to warm body that belongs to a person you care very deeply about.

3. Respect seems to be the most important component in a succesful marriage.

I speak for my self only. Your opinion (and mileage) may vary

Great Question, By the way, the OH thinks Swedish Women are HOT and wonders what is the problem with Swedish Men? *L*

9:02 PM  
Blogger Åsa said...

Balloon Pirate: My definition of love? Is that a trick question? I know it when I see it? I think Mal sum up my thoughts in her bullet points below actually. But what do I know?! (And I want there to be a point to everything!) Maybe my “what’s the point” question is more towards falling in love than the actual love/respect part. I feel like that because there is always something that makes one of the parties less interested. What is the point of falling for someone who has no interest in you? I don’t like being the person dissing either. No guy “in love” understands subtle hints: you have to be so brutally honest.

No the game: Isn’t it crazy?! Maybe it’s a symptom of our “instant reward” society. Instead of spending a long time on courtship we want/expect something good right away. Instant cake out of a box is ALMOST comparable to a cake made from scratch with all the different ingredients. So why can’t it be that way with relationships? If I don’t have the time and patient to make the cake from scratch, I’m fine with an instant one. Hmmm… I’ll take that back. I don’t want to eat just “ok” food: I rather skip it than.

Mal: You have listed the things I have been thinking about. I’m just wondering how to get there I guess. Congratulations on your 25th anniversary! That is so cool!

1:41 AM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

I always notice this one thing. Whenever a certain friend of mine sleeps with the man upon first meeting them (like in a club) OR on the first date------the relationship ends right there. You always have to think, "How many other men has she done this with?" Even for me, if I date a woman and she wants to pursue sex on the first date, my mind keeps saying, "She's done this way too many times..." Waiting isn't a bad thing.

8:57 AM  
Blogger Diane Mandy said...

I was one of the folks who answered that they believed in love in your poll. If you had posed the question a year ago, I would have answered differently. Still, life tells me that believing in it is only a small part of the equation. It's the loving in return, especially during difficult times, that's a real challenge.

If I lived 100 years, I'd spend as many of those as a could trying and experiencing new things and places, whether I was single or not! :=)

5:52 PM  
Blogger Åsa said...

Deb: Even if she hasn’t done it a lot of times before that’s what people would think.

I know people who think they will stay single for the rest of their life, I think they see one-night-stands as the only way to get some closeness. It’s not unusual to be single for 5+years. It becomes a bad spiral of a self fulfilling prophesy: they get judged because they have sex the first night and will never get the closeness they long for. I don’t have the cure for this. But I do know that my strategy: not having sex the first night doesn’t necessarily get you a second date either.

Diane: I’ve read your blog for quite some time now and it was so nice to see that you found love! It is nice to read how compatible you two are. It does give hope. And I totally think you are right in that “It's the loving in return, especially during difficult times, that's a real challenge”

4:00 AM  
Blogger honkeie2 said...

I think the biggest problem these days is the stigma sex has. And the roles it has always played, in high school I wore the badge of a male whore proudly but the girls with the title 'slut' always hung their heads in shame. Society as a whole looks at sex as that dirty thing ppl do. But in the animal world of wild monkeys, its something you do because it feels good. I think I will check out for a while and become a monkey hahaha

1:24 PM  
Blogger Åsa said...

I wish I knew how to give se x a good reputation again and at the same time get people to treasure it better. To see it as an act of love, or the yearning for love at least. Not to waste it on undeserving recipients.

Are you sure animals do it because it feels good or because its there instinct to make sure to continuing the species?

1:12 AM  

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